Typical Conversation with Father.

This conversation just occurred one minute ago. Warning, Fathers words are verbatim. NSFW Language follows.

Father: Son, don't close the window I told you not to close the window.

Me: Father, I didn't close the window. I have not even touched the window. I didn't close it.

Father: Don't bullshit me, Son. I know you closed the window.

Me: Father, I am telling you I didn't do it, Why would you not believe me? I said I didn't. What more do you want.

Father: Don't close the fucking window I know you are closing the window don't close the fucking window.

Me: Father, here is an idea. If I didn't close the window, and you didn't close the window then there has to be another explanation. Have you ever heard of Sir Isaac Newton?

Father: Who? Sir....Fuck! Fuck! Newton! Fuck Gravity! I am a Doctor and a Scientist! I know about that shit and you closed the fucking window!

Me: Father, I am a scientist as well and all I am saying is if I didn't do it then logically gravity must have closed the window.

Father: FUCK GRAVITY! FUCK YOUR SCIENCE! YOUR SCIENCE IS WRONG! FUCK YOUR LOGIC! LOGIC HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS! YOU closed THE FUCKING window!

Me: Father, science is logic.

At this point I walk downstairs to look at the window in the kitchen. The window is stuck open and I fail to see the issue. It is then that my father comes downstairs cursing and showing me the proper way to open the blinds. At that moment I realize that he meant the blinds and not the window itself.

Me: Oh, why didn't you say the blinds and not the window? This still does not change my stance on touching the window or the blinds. I didn't touch a thing.

Father: You fucking closed them.

Me: I told you I didn't, why wont you believe me?

Father: Because I know you are lying. With every lie you tell I can see you are lying.

Me: Gee Pop, then I guess I am guilty no matter what I say. If I tell you I didn't do it I am lying, if I lie and tell you I did, it is exactly what you want to hear.

Father: You are a liar why should I believe you. I believe in honesty. You have to be honest and tell the truth.

Me: I am telling the truth you just don't want to hear it! OK. What possible advantage would I get by closing the blinds?

Father: You don't want anyone to see you in the kitchen.

Me: This is the top floor! There is no way anyone could be able to get a vantage point to be able to see into the kitchen! No one can see into any of the windows! That is ludicrous!

Father: You closed the blinds you are a liar.

It is at this point that I feel logic and understanding flew out the window 10 minutes ago.

Yeah, I love living with my father.