Seriously, I can't make this stuff up.

My friends have told me that I have the strangest encounters; others say that there is no way my life is this strange; yet others just say I have some bad luck or why does this stuff happen to me?

Saturday turned out to be a beautiful 70 degree day so I shed my coat at the side door entry way to my apt and placed it on a hook that was there and went to breakfast. My coat is a grey fleece vest from North Face.

Come Sunday, as I am walking out of my apt, I see the coat hanging on the hook and make a mental note to pick it up on my way back in. I forgot about it and left it there for another night.

Enter Monday, I am in a rush to catch the bus and am looking for my sunglasses (which is just silly because the sun aint shining anyway) when I remember that they are in my coat at the entrance way to my apt. I walk down the stairs and immediately notice that my coat is missing from the hook.

"Shit!" I think to myself as I walk down the stairs. I run upstairs to make a note for my land lord who's apt door is adjacent to the hook. I am thinking that he has taken the coat not knowing to who it belonged. I place the note on the hook and walk out the door when I notice this guy just milling about in front of the house. He looks sketchy as hell and is wearing an orange fleece and a cap. When I exited the house I noticed as he immediately walked the opposite direction to the Ice Cream store then plugged a cellphone into a jack on the side of the building. I just kept watching him and thinking how this dude looks like a criminal. I check my mail box and then walk to a near by store to keep my eye on him from the store window.

I get a sample coffee and watch from the window as he walks to the front steps then up the steps and disappears from view. This alarms me because I know that the entrance to the apartments are on that side of the house. I am panicked and leave the store walking toward my house thinking, "Should I call the police? What if he is breaking into apartments? What if when I walk into the door he stabs me in the gut with a rusty knife?"

I come to the door and open it only to be startled as he is sitting on the steps to my apt. and talking on his cell. I jump and he jumps and starts blathering in a slurred speech about how he is waiting for Jerry.

Now it makes sense, he is one of "You know what it is?"Jerry the Landlord's workers. Allow me to describe this man in greater detail.
He is about 5'9", 35, white with a scraggly beard and he reeks like dirty unwashed ass. His clothing is filthy and his orange fleece is stained. His Eyes are glazed and he is swaying and hunched over.

He says, "I am waiting for Jerry to get here because I am going to help him move something."
This is when I notice that he has something grey with a drawstring hanging out from under his orange fleece. That is when it hits me, he is wearing my coat! I then ask him, "Dude, are you wearing my coat?"
He looks at me confused and starts thinking and saying, "Your coat? Huh?" This is obviously bullshit because I can tell that he knows what I am talking about.
"Yeah, I can see it sticking out from under your fleece. It is a North Face vest, grey with a black top?"
Again he looks at me like he does not understand what I am talking about. "Huh? Vest?", he mumbles.
"Could I have that back.", I ask. "I left it on this hook here and there is a note here for Jerry about it."
This is when he finally give in and says, "Oh yeah, Jerry had this coat lying in his room and he gave it to me. He didn't know who it belonged to."
I tell him, "Yeah, well, it belongs to me."

At this point he is pulling off his fleece and the stench that hits me in the face makes my eyes water. For a split second it occurs to me that he could just keep the damn coat, but I have had it for years and I really like it, plus I have some bank statements in the pockets and my sunglasses.
He hands me the coat that reeks as bad as he does and apologizes.

Now, I am no fool, I know that my coat was hanging on the hook lastnight when I got home. I also know that Jerry did not put that coat in his office for Jerry had not returned that night or that morning. How do I know this you may ask? I know this because the hallway didn't smell like cigarettes as it does whenever Jerry is in his office. He just sits there with no shirt on smoking and standing in the doorway. Scary image, I know. This dude obviously was in the entrance way and saw the coat lying there so he decided to just take it. These are the actions of a thief and a liar. I also believe that he is either a crack head of a heroin addict from that distant look in his eyes.

I am starting to realize that this thief my also be responsible for my disappearing mail packages as of late. Fucking drug addicts, never trust them.

Anyway, I took the coat upstairs, barricaded my apt door from the inside and left out through the back door. Shit like this makes me nervous. I am paranoid to begin with, now I have credible fears.

If anything, my life is interesting. Oh, and I missed my bus.